A year ago next month I wrote a post on this blog called Hiding. It talked about how I was hiding behind all of my busyness and not dealing with feelings, etc…In working to deal with all of that I decided I needed to quit hiding behind my weight. I had told myself for years I comfortable with who I was and my weight wasn’t an issue. I became comfortable being plus sized and I was o.k. with that. After the domestic violence, I used my weight as a shield of comfort and that made me feel more secure.
My relationship with food again was one of comfort. Somehow, after my mother died that all changed. I did not want to die young. I went and had a complete workup, convinced I was sick, and everything came back fine. But, my doctor said the weight has to come off, because if it doesn’t you could be. Wow, that hurt. I have always been healthy. My cholesterol has always been that of a person half my age, the same with all my other blood work. Was I going to let my weight kill me? Heck no!
So, in January of 2011 I began a weight loss campaign. My goal, to lose 25-30 pounds that year. It is slow but good progress. Did I make my goal? ABSOLUTELY! I lost 30.2 pounds and lost 12.5 inches total last year. This year my goal is to double that. I would like to have lost all of my weight before my next high school reunion in 2014.
You see I have never been to any of my high school reunions, or high school functions, including home football games, because of my weight. I won’t even let friends from high school follow me on Facebook because of my weight. You won’t see many pictures of me in the last 25 years because of my weight. I have even skipped family reunions in the last 2 years because of my weight. I was so tiny in high school. I am not saying I want that body back, but I would like to be able to walk into a room and have people look at me for who I am not my weight.
So, you see my weight loss journey is about a lot more than weight. It is about getting back to me. Along with dealing with all the other stuff, which I have been doing an excellent job of this and last year, I am now managing to steadily lose weight too. For everyone trying to lose weight, you can do it, one pound at a time, and for me that is exactly what it is. One pound, one day at a time. Just like I work my domestic violence recover one day at a time, this I will too. Look out 2012 I own you!