You know, when I thought about the idea of blogging, I never thought my first blog post would be about my mother. Our relationship was like a lot of mothers and daughters relationships; difficult. I loved my mother; do not get me wrong, she and I were just completely different. As I watched my mother lying there dying in her last few days, I had time to reflect on what was our relationship. You see, when I found out my mother was dying; I had not spoken to her for 8 months.
Like most mother and daughters do, we had a terrible fight and it led to another long period of silence between us. As my mother lay dying, I kept repeating to myself, I would do anything to have those 8 months back again and I would do it all differently. But was this true? We could not change who we were, nor could we go back and take away all the hurtful things that were said. I began to look back on our relationship and I realized it was a roller coaster ride.
You see, I was not the favored child, I reminded my mother of herself. I made her same mistakes I made her wrong decisions, therefore I became her. The main difference between my mother and myself, is that you never asked my mother her opinion unless you really wanted it because you were going to get it. Also, my mother liked being the center of attention, I do not.
I miss my mother every moment of every day. We may have had an impossible relationship, but she was still my mother. I write this post as a wake up call to those who may have regrets regarding a parent or family member or who may have hurt someone in your family. Please do not let wounds go unhealed.
We are never guaranteed a tomorrow. And as am preparing to marry, I regret every moment of everyday that the last 8 months of my mother’s life was spent without her daughter in it. My mother died on April 11, 2010. God rest her soul.